Kiss your ass?

At Holiday Inn Express in Ohio for the night. We all met up at the hotel bar. To my right, I happened to sit next to the General Foreman, Bart. Half of the guys on this trip sit as far away as they can from Bart. I don't feel threatened, so I stay where I am seated. On my left was this guy everyone calls D. He's technically sitting to my left, but I have my body turned so my back is to him. He's a dumpy ex-marine who doesn't shut up. I do my best to ignore his existence.

"I'll buy 14 burgers for the guys." Bart
"Make one of them a bean burger." Me
"Bean burger? What are you a goddamn vegetarian?" Bart
"I'm just concerned about where the meat comes from." Me
"I'm not sure I want a vegetarian out here on stormwork with us. I might just put you on a Greyhound and send you back home." Bart
"I'll take a burger, Bart." D said.
"Bart, do you want someone who can climb a tree or kiss your ass?" Me
Bart stared at me with a look telling me to buckle and tell him I'm just joking around.
Instead, I finished with, "I'll let you think about that for a while."

Two Bucks, One Arrow

Friday:

"My daughter called me." Brian
"Yeah." Me
"She was out in the back woods with her bow.  A doe walked by.  She pulled the arrow back, but was watching to see where she was going to hit instead of looking through the sites."
"And."
"She missed it."
"Who's she out in the woods with?"
"No one. Just huntin' by herself."
"How old is she?"
"Fifteen."
"Wow.  That's pretty badass.  A chick hunting by herself."


Saturday:

"My daughter just called me." Brian
"Yeah, is she hunting again?" Me
"She said she was in the stand and watched a doe walk-by."
"Didn't shoot?"
"No.  She waited.  Then an eight point buck walked by grunting after the doe.  She shot him and the arrow when right through him.  He walked off some ways and stopped.  Watched him drop to the ground."
"No shit."
"She got down out of the stand, picked up her arrow and went back in the stand.  Twelve minutes later a six point buck walked by.  Shot him in the heart and he dropped right there."
"Why did she get back in the stand?"
"I told her if she shoots a doe, wait for the buck to come looking for her."
"What's the deal with only one arrow."
"I told her to only take one out.  You want to prove yourself, than only take one shot.  She got two with one arrow."
"Holy fuck."
"She wants me to buy her those Pink Lady arrows.  I told her only if she shoots a deer.  For shooting two bucks with one arrow...yeah, I gotta get her those Pink Lady arrows now."

Two Things

"When I started working here, there were two things the other guys did to help me learn the job. You want to know what they were?" Me
"What's that?" Mike
"Jack and Shit."
"I'm finding that out."
"Once I show you how to do something, don't ever expect me to do it for you again."
"Got it."
ZATT by 5PM

Go Eat Break

"Let's go eat break." Brian
"Does he mean 'take' break?" Mike
"I think he's trying to save words." Me

Michelle 50 Feet Up and Scared Shitless

"Michelle, what are you doing?" Roley
"Trimming the tree, Roley." Mike
"No you're not, you're wasting my time. You want me to come up there and do it myself?" Roley
"No." Mike
"Well then climb up farther and get to where your work is." Roley
"Hey Bieber, you change your address?" Brian
"No, why?" Mike
"Cause the Post Office is here to deliver your mail to that tree." Brian
"I'm goin' as fast as I..." Mike is shaking in the tree.
"Shutchyer mouth and climb the tree," Roley says and then whispers to us on the ground, "Look at him, he's scared up there. I got him right where I want him." Roley turns his attention back to the kid, "Why are you leaning towards the wires? That's how you kill yourself in this job."
"If you're afraid of heights Bieber, we need to know now. Nothin' against you, we just gotta fire you." Brian
"Get on the other side of the trunk, Michelle. Before you fucking electrocute yourself." Roley
"If you wanna stop climbing, just come down and we'll hand you your lunch box. You can start walkin' back to the park site." Brian
"Now reach out, cut the branch and hinge it over." Roley

Most important part of Ice Fishin'

"Man, I can't wait to go ice fishin." Brian
"Better than normal fishin'?" Me
"Oh hellya. You ain't never ice fished?"
"Once when I was a kid."
"The fish tastes better. You ever eaten fish caught in winter?"
"I eat sushi."
"I ain't talkin' about sushi. You'll have to come out ice fishin' sometime."
"What's the best part of ice fishing?" Me
"Gettin' drunk." Brian
"That's what I thought."
"That and catching a big ass fish."
"In that order, huh?"
"Pretty much."