King of The Hill at Work

The Days of Our Tree Trimming Lives

Zen and the Art of Tree Trimming

(You are NOT the father)

Imagine if you will that the twenty four year old new guy at work looks like a middle aged ginger Stanely Kubrick.

After two days off for a photo shoot, I returned to work. Setting the truck up in an alley, Devin asked me if there was anything for him to do before I went up to trim a silver maple. The kid annoys me. His mannerism, attitude, view of life, always saying he's just trying to be helpful, etc. He smokes, dips and drinks Monster energy drinks. I don't want to deal with it, but I have to say something. He's waiting for a response of any kind. I'll give him one he's not ready for, "I want you to quit smoking."

Devin immediately teared up and started to cry, "I've just been smoking so much, because I don't know what to do."

Fuck me. I don't care, but the fucking kid set me up, "What's wrong?"

"My girlfriend broke up with me last night. She took my son and went to her mother's. He just learned how to walk."

Of course I should give a shit. Have a feeling or two. You'll understand how I couldn't give two or even one fuck. And I'm justified.

Flashback:

"Devin's baby isn't his." Mike

"What the fuck are talking about?" Me

"He started dating his girlfriend, eight months later she gave birth to a baby."

"Wait, what?"

"His girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend explained to him it wasn't his baby. He refuses to believe it, so he's trying to make sure no one else believes it either."

After that conversation, I began conducting psychological warfare into Devin's brain. Starting with episodes of King of the Hill. Specifically, the episodes that featured the character Dale who has a "son" Joseph, fathered by John Redcorn and Dale's wife, Nancy. Everyday at lunch he would sit with me in the truck and I would put my phone on the dash for us to watch King of the Hill. After each episode, we would talk about what we just saw. I hoped he would catch on. He had self brainwashed himself worse than I feared, he never caught on to the metaphor that he was Dale.

Sometimes I would repeat the episode "Hank Gets Dusted" where John Redcorn even told Dale that he cheated with Hank's best friend's wife for 13 years, but Dale just thought he was talking about Bill's wife, Lenore and never guessed it was Redcorn.

After weeks of trying to get through to Devin with the help of King of the Hill, I realized there is no episode were Dale finds out about Nancy's affair. There was an episode were Dale catches John Redcorn crawling out of his and Nancy's bedroom window. Dale then accused John Red corn of messing around with his lawnmower. 

Devin will have to find out the hard way, when his "son" is a teenager and has no resemblance to Stanley Kubrick. The boy will tell Devin that he is not his "real" father and fuck off. Then one night, as he channel surfs with tears in his eyes, Devin will land on a King of the Hill episode and it will all make sense.